9. Regardless of the rhythmic issues, when walking in downtown Albany, it's a good idea to have something stuck in your ear so you can at least pretend to not hear all the people who are going to ask you for the free money you don't have.
8. It doesn't matter how appropriate it is for me to carry an umbrella during my walks. It doesn't matter if it looks like it's going to rain, feels like it's going to rain, smells like it's going to rain, all the appropriate "we know what the sky's doing" authorities have said it's going to rain, and it's already been an extra rainy summer. Doesn't matter. When I hold an umbrella, I feel like I should be plotting against Batman.
I...I'm not like other guys.
7. When I was a smoker and I walked down the street, it seemed like every person I passed on the sidewalk was a self-righteous non-smoker. Now that I don't smoke and am trying to exercise, it seems like every person I pass on the sidewalk is smoking a cigarette. I try to see it as penance.
6. Downtown Albany really smells like shit. Literally, it smells like a fucking litter box. Except when a bus pulls up next to me - then the whole world smells and tastes like what happens when Autobots eat too much chili.
5. The overall skankiness of female apparel for NY state workers seems to increase with age.
4. Being Spider-Man in Albany would suck. He could fight crime for two blocks, then he'd just have to stroll.
3. Gnawing pain in your legs, ankles, feet, and back make you a much more patient pedestrian at intersections.
2. Exercising every day makes me feel better. And yes, this IS new for me you condescending pricks. I didn't need to exercise before. I functioned on nicotine, sarcasm, gamma radiation and the simple fact that I wanted to have sex with 3/4 of the women I saw. But now. You know. I quit smoking.
1. I'm not done yet.
