10. Money, money, money.9. In terms of my blogging history, I feel like Superheroes, etc. is my Porno For Pyros, and List SMASH! is my Jane's Addiction. Sure, I might want to move on artistically and try new things, but in the end I always get pulled back to the well. When I write an insightful, but not overly verbose, review of Astro City or the latest Harry Potter movie on Superheroes, etc., the reaction of my readers is not unlike those now-middle-aged fans in Perry Farrell's crowd, yelling "Yeah, yeah, we'd make great pets, that's so clever SING 'JANE SAYS' YOU JUNKIE FUCK!"
8. Writing a top 10 list is remarkably easy. I don't need to worry about whether it's too short or too long. If I remember to count to 10, I win. I don't need to worry about transitions. It doesn't matter if #6 did not thematically link to #5. I am ruled by math.
7. My girlfriend has good memories of List SMASH! And if I'm going to keep stealing money from her purse for liquor I should do something to make it up to her.
6. Gotta do something while the handjob videos download. Some of those files are freaking BIG, man.
5. My deeply rooted insecurity leads me to subconsciously believe that the more people who respond to my writing online, the more people love me.
4. Next time I send a résumé to a potential employer and they don't respond, I won't have to wonder why they didn't respond. I'll assume they found this blog, and then I'll just know.
3. If Ozzy Osbourne can have a farewell tour every few years, I think I'm entitled to stage a return or two.
2. My obscenity-fueled wit offers relief to the pathetic masses yearning for any kind of fleeting distraction from the banal reality awaiting them.
1. If you can do something well, then you should just go ahead and do it. So for me it's either this, or punching monkeys. And punching monkeys is wrong.
2 comments:
Top 10 Reasons Why Punching Monkeys is RIGHT
10. Their little, no-prefrontal-lobe heads are just at the right level for a sucker punch from a man of average height.
9. They'll put up a fight, and keep you on your toes. GOOD EXERCISE.
8. They let Mark Wahlberg make that fucking movie.
7. They look like your mother-in-law.
6. They look like your old boss. Well, they look like MY old boss.
5. Deep down, you know they want it. "No means YES."
4. Face it, you really hate Roddy McDowell.
3. Jesus punched monkeys all the time, it's in the Bible.
2. Gaddafi was part-monkey.
1. They just won't listen.
Top 10 Reasons Why Kevin Marshall Doesn't Do Top 10 Lists
10. Mick does them so much better.
6. He can't count.
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"I feel like Superheroes, etc. is my Porno For Pyros, and List SMASH! is my Jane's Addiction."
I love that analogy but think Superheroes, Etc. deserves more credit (not that I hate PfP but it's not always great shakes).
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