10. A little over a week after moving to Schenectady from East Greenbush, I haven't seen a single person wearing camouflage. Of course, that could just mean it's working.
9. When I cook things on the stove, the burner keeps the pots and pans level. When I make omelettes in the morning, I don't even have to tilt the pan to make it come out right. That just seems too easy.
8. Speaking of the stove, when I turn the burners on, fire comes out of them. That seems extreme.
7. In spite of all the noise about the great Italian eateries in Schenectady, I've been to at least four of them, used the restroom each time, and haven't found a single gun taped behind a single toilet.
6. I miss what I liked to call my Leopard-Baby Shower. See, our new bathroom is painted a very pleasant green. As evidenced by my old apartment, I prefer a shower ceiling so infested with mold it looks like the belly of a leopard. Then I can pretend my mama leopard is nursing me while I rinse and repeat.
5. What part of Schenectady are we in? North? South? I have no idea. East Greenbush made it very clear.
4. I don't know how the hell my girlfriend cleaned her clothes because I can't find the coin slots in the washer.
3. Our apartment's on the second floor, so we can actually leave our windows open without worrying about neighbors seeing us in our undergarments. How the hell am I supposed to sate my exhibitionist cravings now? I mean, I could run downstairs naked, but that's just bizarre.
2. In our last apartment I had an office. In our new apartment, I have an office, but so does my girlfriend. Which seems selfish.
1. Don't know when the people who are supposed to organize all my crap are going to show up, but they're goddamned LATE.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Top 10 Songs I Only Like Because of a Movie, TV Show, or Commercial
10. "God Moving Over The Face Of The Water" by Moby from Everything Is Wrong
Heat felt about 5 hours longer than it needed to be, and the final scene featuring Al Pacino holding the hand of a dying Robert Deniro was kind of...weird. But the music was good.
I wanted to post a video of Heat's final scene, but embedding is disabled. You can watch it here. The music starts about 01:30 into the clip.
9. "My Body is a Cage" by Peter Gabriel from Scratch My Back
Probably the most interesting part about seeing Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows in the theater was the trailer for John Carter. I wasn't particularly attracted to the trailer itself, but was surprised to recognize the lyrics to Arcade Fire's "My Body is a Cage" being sung by someone who was definitely not Aracde Fire's frontman. I looked it up when I got home and learned Peter Gabriel did a cover album called Scratch My Back including the Arcade Fire tune.
I like Gabriel's interpretation though I admit I have no idea what the song has to do - thematically or otherwise - with John Carter. But then again, I don't know the character at all, just like the guy in the theater who, at the end of the trailer, said very loudly so everyone else in the theater could hear, "Who the hell is John Carter?"
8. "Short Change Hero" by The Heavy from The House That Dirt Built
I hunted down this tune after hearing it on a TV spot for Batman: Arkham City. I never thought I would be picking my music from video game commercials, but hey. It's a cool tune. The full song is good, but the beginning is fairly lame. There's an intro including what is clearly supposed to be a cowboy walking meaningfully somewhere in a heroic manner - a saloon, a coral, or some bullshit - but whoever was handling the sound effects didn't seem to know what footsteps sound like. It sounds like someone is just rhythmically dropping sacks of dirt.
7. "My Weakness" by Moby from Play
Not only is this the second Moby song on my list, but it's the first of two songs I only heard because of The X-Files. "My Weakness" was used perfectly in a scene late in the series when Fox Mulder finally finds his long lost sister (maybe) as a ghost running around in the woods. I found the music so heartbreaking I had to hunt down the name of the artist. I think this is probably the first time I learned Moby's name.
The clip above is about the closest to the actual scene I could find online. It's slowed down to include the entire song, but most of the other clips I found were just weird "tributes" to the scene.
6. "I Saved the World Today" by the Eurythmics from Peace
The Sopranos is one of my favorite television series, and the clip featured in the video above is one of the show endings I remember best, and the reason it's so memorable is the song. As I recall, the scene occurs when Tony returns home after cleaning up after his sister impulsively murdered her fiance. When Carmella makes the snide comment about committing suicide, she's alluding to Tony's Russian mistress who attempted suicide earlier in the show. There's something just perfect about Tony returning home after a long night of bloody work and being delivered an emotional knuckle sandwich. And the song is the cherry on top. It's funny, considering the circumstances, and Annie Lennox's voice is one of the absolute last voices you expect to hear at the end of an episode of The Sopranos. Without this episode, I never would've cared about this song. As it stands, it's part of my ipod's regular rotation.
5. "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" by The Dropkick Murphys from The Warrior's Code
The music from The Departed made me a big fan of The Warrior's Code, though I don't know if I can rightly say I'm a Dropkick Murphys fan. I like them, but in small doses. And actually, I wouldn't say "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" is my favorite of their songs.
4. "Sinnerman" by Nina Simone from Pastel Blues
I'm a little embarrassed that I had no idea who Nina Simone was until I saw this episode of Scrubs, was immediately struck by the song, and looked it up (the Internet rocks). I love the 10-minute long version of the song, and it's another one that finds regular rotation on my music player.
3. "Ring the Bells" by James from Seven
The scene above is from the episode "D.P.O.," the third episode of the third season of The X-Files. It was the first time I'd heard "Ring the Bells," and I instantly loved it though, for reasons that become clear about 3 minutes into the clip, I don't often listen to it in the car.
If you've never seen the episode, you should watch the first 4 minutes or so not just for the song, but because the opening scene introduced quite a bit of the world to both Giovanni Ribisi and Jack Black.
2. "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Is In)" by The First Edition from The First Edition
I would've lived a long, happy life without ever knowing Kenny Rogers ever sang about LSD if it weren't for The Big Lebowski.
Of course, embedding is disabled on this clip as well, but you can watch it here.
1. "A Little Respect" by Erasure from The Innocents
There is really no reason for me to like this goddamn song. It's a dance song. It's an '80s song. By all rights I should be burning Erasure CDs in big piles in Nuremberg stadium. But after it was used as a common thread in an early episode of Scrubs, it became a guilty pleasure. And every time I listen to it, I think of JD running down the hallway, hoping to outrun his imprisonment in The Friend Zone.
Of course, I never tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter.
Why not?
Heat felt about 5 hours longer than it needed to be, and the final scene featuring Al Pacino holding the hand of a dying Robert Deniro was kind of...weird. But the music was good.
I wanted to post a video of Heat's final scene, but embedding is disabled. You can watch it here. The music starts about 01:30 into the clip.
9. "My Body is a Cage" by Peter Gabriel from Scratch My Back
Probably the most interesting part about seeing Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows in the theater was the trailer for John Carter. I wasn't particularly attracted to the trailer itself, but was surprised to recognize the lyrics to Arcade Fire's "My Body is a Cage" being sung by someone who was definitely not Aracde Fire's frontman. I looked it up when I got home and learned Peter Gabriel did a cover album called Scratch My Back including the Arcade Fire tune.
I like Gabriel's interpretation though I admit I have no idea what the song has to do - thematically or otherwise - with John Carter. But then again, I don't know the character at all, just like the guy in the theater who, at the end of the trailer, said very loudly so everyone else in the theater could hear, "Who the hell is John Carter?"
8. "Short Change Hero" by The Heavy from The House That Dirt Built
I hunted down this tune after hearing it on a TV spot for Batman: Arkham City. I never thought I would be picking my music from video game commercials, but hey. It's a cool tune. The full song is good, but the beginning is fairly lame. There's an intro including what is clearly supposed to be a cowboy walking meaningfully somewhere in a heroic manner - a saloon, a coral, or some bullshit - but whoever was handling the sound effects didn't seem to know what footsteps sound like. It sounds like someone is just rhythmically dropping sacks of dirt.
7. "My Weakness" by Moby from Play
Not only is this the second Moby song on my list, but it's the first of two songs I only heard because of The X-Files. "My Weakness" was used perfectly in a scene late in the series when Fox Mulder finally finds his long lost sister (maybe) as a ghost running around in the woods. I found the music so heartbreaking I had to hunt down the name of the artist. I think this is probably the first time I learned Moby's name.
The clip above is about the closest to the actual scene I could find online. It's slowed down to include the entire song, but most of the other clips I found were just weird "tributes" to the scene.
6. "I Saved the World Today" by the Eurythmics from Peace
The Sopranos is one of my favorite television series, and the clip featured in the video above is one of the show endings I remember best, and the reason it's so memorable is the song. As I recall, the scene occurs when Tony returns home after cleaning up after his sister impulsively murdered her fiance. When Carmella makes the snide comment about committing suicide, she's alluding to Tony's Russian mistress who attempted suicide earlier in the show. There's something just perfect about Tony returning home after a long night of bloody work and being delivered an emotional knuckle sandwich. And the song is the cherry on top. It's funny, considering the circumstances, and Annie Lennox's voice is one of the absolute last voices you expect to hear at the end of an episode of The Sopranos. Without this episode, I never would've cared about this song. As it stands, it's part of my ipod's regular rotation.
5. "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" by The Dropkick Murphys from The Warrior's Code
The music from The Departed made me a big fan of The Warrior's Code, though I don't know if I can rightly say I'm a Dropkick Murphys fan. I like them, but in small doses. And actually, I wouldn't say "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" is my favorite of their songs.
4. "Sinnerman" by Nina Simone from Pastel Blues
I'm a little embarrassed that I had no idea who Nina Simone was until I saw this episode of Scrubs, was immediately struck by the song, and looked it up (the Internet rocks). I love the 10-minute long version of the song, and it's another one that finds regular rotation on my music player.
3. "Ring the Bells" by James from Seven
The scene above is from the episode "D.P.O.," the third episode of the third season of The X-Files. It was the first time I'd heard "Ring the Bells," and I instantly loved it though, for reasons that become clear about 3 minutes into the clip, I don't often listen to it in the car.
If you've never seen the episode, you should watch the first 4 minutes or so not just for the song, but because the opening scene introduced quite a bit of the world to both Giovanni Ribisi and Jack Black.
2. "Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Is In)" by The First Edition from The First Edition
I would've lived a long, happy life without ever knowing Kenny Rogers ever sang about LSD if it weren't for The Big Lebowski.
Of course, embedding is disabled on this clip as well, but you can watch it here.
1. "A Little Respect" by Erasure from The Innocents
There is really no reason for me to like this goddamn song. It's a dance song. It's an '80s song. By all rights I should be burning Erasure CDs in big piles in Nuremberg stadium. But after it was used as a common thread in an early episode of Scrubs, it became a guilty pleasure. And every time I listen to it, I think of JD running down the hallway, hoping to outrun his imprisonment in The Friend Zone.
Of course, I never tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter.
Why not?
Monday, January 30, 2012
The Top 10 Songs that Helped Me Survive 2011
There are a lot of good reasons to believe the people who subscribe to the Mayan calendar end-of-the-world theories are too stupid to operate can openers without a football helmet and a court-appointed supervisor. The ending of a calendar does not necessarily equate the ending of actual time. If that shit worked, every employee in the world would be taking hammers to clocks by 10 am. And even if the Mayans did mean to signal the end of the world with the end of their calendar, why in Hulk's name would they know any better than the rest of us? Particularly since they were apparently unable to predict their own demise at the hands of us sadistic Europeans?
But I don't need logic. I don't need brains. I know the world is not going to end in 2012, and I know it because 2011 was such a tower of neverending SHIT, that if the world was going to end, it would have ended then.
For Christmas, my girlfriend ordered custom t-shirts from Cafe Press announcing "I SURVIVED 2011" for me and her family. It was a joke, but it wasn't. She lost her father in 2011 and her mother less than a year before.
By the end of 2011 I would lose two members of my own extended family and an old friend from college. I spent all of May 2011 as a juror in a locally prominent murder trial that filled my nights with horrific images and infected me with an irrational fear for my life and those of my loved ones. A few months later, I was laid off from a job after seven and a half years of employment. 2011 sucked and sucked hard.
So far, 2012 is looking a lot better. I'm organizing a reunion of my old college friends. My girlfriend and I are moving into a new, bigger apartment. I have a new civil service position that pays more than the 7.5 with the bastards who gave me the boot. New year, new job, new home. If 2012 is the end of the world, at least I'll die with a smile.
I rekindled my love for music in 2011. In part, it was necessity. After the lay off I got a data entry job, and without music data entry can be too boring for words. Well, scratch that, with music, it's too boring for words; but it's endurable. And the murder trial necessitated long, lonely bus trips with nothing to do.
Much like my angsty teenage years, music helped sustain my spirits in 2011. But unlike the anger that fueled me and my writing in those days, the music I listened to in 2011 was music of hope. Every once in a while I listened to the old, angry stuff. In fact, somewhere in the middle of 2011 I recall briefly but fiercely reigniting my love for '80s speed metal.
But for the most part, the songs I listened to in 2011 said the same thing: "Things suck now, but they're going to get better." Really, in spirit, they're mostly more modern versions of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing."
10. "We Want A Rock" by They Might Be Giants from Flood
New music was never so important as it was when I got a data entry job a month after the lay off. I began by listening exclusively to my favorites, and soon my favorites became ho-hum. You never realize how long 8 hours is and how short your albums are until you need the latter to survive the former.
Data entry made me not only find as much new music as I could, but explore old albums deeper. Flood is an album I've owned, it seems, forever, but never really listened to the whole way through. I would leapfrog around the album, never really listening to anything past "Particle Man." Data entry changed that, and I'm glad it did. "We Want A Rock," was one of the first of the undiscovered songs to catch my attention. Though I have to say the stark weirdness of "Whistling in the Dark" was very fitting in a data entry environment, in a this-is-the-song-that-will-be-playing-when-the-final-drop-of-your-soul-leaks-out kind of way. I also think the prominence of prosthetic foreheads in "We Want A Rock" struck a chord, as it was around this time I started getting into Star Trek.
9. "The Good Life" by Weezer from Pinkerton
This list will probably a bit more serious than most of my lists, though "The Good Life" is one of the few songs that helped sustain me in more of a humorous way. Around the time I learned about the passing of my friend from college, nostalgia took over. I started seeing the good old days back in college as a glorious, untouched, Camelot-inspired time of happiness and rainbows, and everything after was the result of a steep, dark descent into the pee-stained corner of the men's room of whatever cheap dive Tom Waits's soul will go to if/when he kicks the bucket.
On my morning drive, when I would blast "The Good Life" and scream along to it, I was making fun of myself. I was laughing at my own nostalgic horseshit.
8. "The Cave" by Mumford & Sons from Sigh No More
Mumford & Sons specializes in "Things suck now, but they're going to get better" songs, though I can only take them in small doses.
7. "Letterbomb" by Green Day from American Idiot
I'm not sure why, but I've found the music I enjoy most during data entry is music from soundtracks or so-called "concept" albums. I don't enjoy shuffling, and you can't really stop to pick and choose every few minutes because you risk the ire of the
Because of this, I finally broke down and listened to American Idiot, and fell in love.
6. "The Crane Wife Part 1 & 2" by The Decemberists from The Crane Wife
The Decemberists's more recent album, The King Is Dead, was often my very first listen of the morning during data entry. Most of the songs are upbeat, but they don't rock particularly hard so my brain didn't get jostled too early. The tune "Rox in the Box," about hard labor in a mine, is not necessarily the best song to listen to at work, however.
I honestly have mixed feelings about the music. I was introduced to the band by one of the few people from my old job who I both considered a friend and who subsequently treated me like I was a phantom as soon as I got my walking papers, so it sometimes serves as an unpleasant reminder. But whatever. At least the music is good.
After enjoying The King Is Dead I took The Crane Wife and The Hazards of Love out of the library. I loved The Crane Wife, which kind of seems like one half of a concept album, while The Hazards of Love gave me a headache. There's a song in there that's nothing but a conversation between a son and his mother, and it seemed about 80,000 hours longer than it needed to be.
5. "Dog Days Are Over" by Florence + The Machine from Lungs
The first time I heard this song, it made me want to change my life.
4. "All These Things That I've Done" by The Killers from Hot Fuss
Of the things I feel qualified to critique, music is not one of them. There was a time when I read Rolling Stone and Spin regularly, when I felt I had a hold on the music critic lingo, when I could understand when they just slapped two half-words together like "alterna-core," but I am way the hell out of practice. It seems so cliche to say but it's true; when Cobain died I lost interest. I didn't lose interest in music, but in the music "news," the gossip, the critics, the celebrity, and everything else.
But if I were ever called upon to name the best goddamned rock song ever, I think this would be a contender, if not the no-brainer champion. Everything I love about rock 'n' roll is in this song.
3. "This Too Shall Pass" by Ok Go from Of the Blue Colour of the Sky
At my previous job, the one where I was eventually laid off, I'd had a bad day. I don't know what in particular happened on that day and it's not important. I just remember waiting at a red light in Arbor Hill on the way to the entrance ramp to I-90, and crying as I heard the words I desperately needed to hear: "Let it go. This too shall pass." And thank Hulk, it did.
2. "Wake Up" by Arcade Fire from Funeral
A college friend (not the one, thankfully, who passed) suggested I check out Arcade Fire. I took their albums Funeral and Neon Bible out of the library while I was on jury duty. One morning, while I waited for the bus and tried not to look at the bus stop's newspaper vending machines (both of which featured front page stories of the trial, which you're supposed to avoid if you're on a jury, in case you didn't know), I randomly chose "Wake Up."
I'd probably heard it before, in the trailer for Where the Wild Things Are if nowhere else, but I didn't remember it.
It was exactly what I needed to hear. I wouldn't say the trial left me in any deep despair, but it was difficult. I felt the responsibility on my shoulders, and I'll never get the images from the crime scene video out of my head. I would have to look up some of the lyrics to the song later, but I understood enough of them to relate them to what I was going through. When I heard "We're just a million little gods causin' rainstorms, turnin' every good thing to rust," I thought of the images from the crime scene video and wondered what little god turned those good things to rust. When the song started with "Somethin' filled up my heart with nothin'" I knew what my "somethin'" was and I wanted it to end so I could go back to my life.
1. "Fix You" by Coldplay from X & Y
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gay because I like Coldplay. Yep that's funny. If you haven't seen another movie in 10 years. Dick.
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