9. There are dumb vampires. There are seductive, whorish vampires and vampires who want to conquer the world. There are sad, broody vampires and lazy vampires who just want to kill someone every now and then and stay out of everyone's away. Vampires, in other words, have variety. Werewolves, on the other hand, just growl and kill and hump people's legs until someone in town figures out how to melt silver.
8. Werewolves just don't seem to serve any purpose. They're just wolves on two legs instead of four. Why would a wolf want two legs instead of four? That's stupid. If you have four legs, be happy about your extra two legs, idiot.
7. Vampires are tougher to track, because they don't shit in the woods.
6. It isn't Buffy the Werewolf Slayer, is it? Why not? Because werewolves are lame and you don't need anyone special to kill them. Hell, some people even let them play basketball for them.
5. If you become a werewolf, you don't even get to enjoy it. You wake up in the woods all naked, and you're like "Whoa, I got drunk! And hey, is that my girlfriend's severed pinky?" And the police suspect you but they have no proof, and you go through this whole awkward, confusing period before you even realize you're a werewolf. And then it doesn't matter, because whenever you become a werewolf, YOU aren't around and don't get to enjoy killing and growling and humping people's legs. On the other hand, if you get turned into a vampire, you'll know, and you'll be stopping by your boss' house momentarily.
4. Your choice of locale is severely limited. Sure, there are movies where they have werewolves in urban areas, but that's bullshit. If you're a werewolf, you need to live out in the country. 'Cause you're a freaking werewolf. Which means you may be limited as far as cable is concerned, you might have to do satellite TV, who knows if you can even get a cell phone signal...
3. Werewolves have super strength. So do vampires. Werewolves are really fast. So are vampires. Some vampires can turn into bats, wolves, or even mist. Werewolves can turn into werewolves and the thing they are when they're not werewolves.
2. Vampires are always vampires. Werewolves are only werewolves 3 nights out of the month, and ONLY at night. Werewolves are lazy.
1. A monstrous personification of mankind's primal rage?
Yeah, we've got that covered, Scooby. And he's bigger than you.
