Showing posts with label Harry Potter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Harry Potter. Show all posts

Friday, October 16, 2009

Top 10 Thoughts Upon Finishing Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

(It should go without saying, but this contains SPOILERS)

10. I was disappointed there were no new racial slurs like "muggle," "mudblood," or "parselmouth."

9. I wasn't happy to see time travel rear its ugly head in the series (though I guess, in a sense, the argument could be made a form of time travel was used in Chamber of Secrets). I guess I should have expected it. I just get tired of it being used in stories of the more fantastic variety. It's just an easy way to solve so many plot problems. And it's been so over-used at this point that, unless the entire story is about time travel, it always feels like a cop-out.

8. Don't get me wrong. Overall I liked the story and this was probably my favorite of the series so far. But there are certain repetitive aspects of the series I'm getting tired of. I'm getting tired of the introductory chapters with the Dursleys. I always just drag my way through those chapters, breathing a sigh of relief when they finally get Harry to Hogwarts. It isn't that I'm anticipating the hero freeing himself from his mundane guardians, it's that the plot itself doesn't really begin until Harry gets away from the Dursleys. I'm also getting tired of the whole Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher thing. You'd think if they were willing to give Snape a full-time job, they could find a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher who wasn't evil, a fraud, or a fucking werewolf.

7. Speaking of Snape, so far I find him the most intriguing character in the series. I'm very curious to see, when push comes to shove, who he'll be standing with.

(And that is NOT an invitation for spoilers. Seriously, if anyone spoils the rest of the series for me, I will hunt you down and burn your comic books.)

6. I think I commented in my first top ten list about Harry Potter that I had difficulty taking characters seriously with names like "Dumbledore" and "Voldemort." I think Rowling crossed the line with this book. I mean, I can eventually forget that the two most powerful wizards in her fictional world have names that make them sound like lawn gnomes, but naming the head of the Ministry of Magic Cornelius Fudge is beyond the pale. I mean come the fuck on. Dude. I mean. DUDE.

5. It's really tough trying to NOT be spoiled. I managed for years to keep myself far away from any mention of the last episode of The Sopranos until I finally managed to see it for myself on DVD. Unfortunately, I ended up figuring out quite a bit of Prisoner of Azkaban's plot by doing nothing more than stopping by IMDB because I was curious about who played who in the film. This revealed that Gary Oldman played the "villain" Sirius Black and that the character appears in at least two other Harry Potter films. And in spite of the fact that you're lead to believe he's a bad guy, the IMDB photos show Potter and Black looking like they're buddies. That revelation lead to me figuring out most of big reveals, though I was wrong in some small parts (e.g., I figured out that Black was hiding as an animal but I was wrong about which one - I thought Black was Hermione's new cat, not the dog, because I assumed the dog was actually Lupin because I'd already figured out he was a werewolf).

And as an example of what I assume is another fairly big spoiler, I also find it curious that, according to IMDB, Black doesn't appear in Half-Blood Prince or either of the last two films currently in production.

(Again, keep your mouths SHUT please.)

4. My opinion of the Hogwarts faculty is not dissimilar from my opinion of the Jedi council. They're supposed to be incredibly powerful, incredibly smart, and to be able to see what the rest of us can't, but time and again they prove themselves unable to find their own assholes unless they have a thirteen year old boy around to poke it for them.

3. With each book, it's becoming more and more clear that in the world of Harry Potter, the most powerful threat to the world may very well be the result of a bunch of guys at a high school not liking each other very much. I think Rowling may have a few issues concerning her teenage years.

2. In all seriousness, while I liked the first two books, I think this is the one that officially hooked me. It's the first one that shows some real growth in the main characters and the first one to more blatantly lay groundwork for the following books.

1. I see the series getting a little bit darker, a little bit more "grown-up" but I feel like the transition is awkward. One minute Harry is filled with a red-hot, vengeful rage, swearing silent oaths to cut through the ranks of his parents' old enemies like a wild samurai, and the next he's a whiny little shithead about not being able to go to the sweets shop with his friends. Priorities, dude.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Top 10 Reactions upon finishing Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

10. Every time I see Ron Weasley's scared/surprised face, which seems to be pretty much the only face he makes, it makes me want to punch a baby.



9. I'm happy to see Gollum was able to get work after melting in Mt. Doom.



8. I don't care if I were a wizard or a witch or a house elf or what. If I had to actually tell people. "Yeah, I'm a Hufflepuff," I'd shoot myself in the fuckin' head.

7. Well in the first book there was just "muggles." Now there's mudbloods, squibs, and parselmouths. Rowling is better with racial slurs than Archie Bunker.

6. Anyone else think these wealthy, intelligent, super-powerful wizards could do with installing a video camera? A couple of motion sensors?

5. Why isn't Hermione the main character? I realize magic is handled differently in different fantasy series, but I'm pretty sure one of the universal factors is that wizards can generally cast spells. Harry doesn't seem to, like, use...magic. He mainly just gets attacked by monsters, and then Dumbledore's stuff flies to him at just the right moment so he doesn't die. Hermione, on the other hand, actually casts spells. In a fight, I'm betting on her.

4. Why does all the bad stuff lead back to Voldemort? Harry Potter's world needs a more diverse Rogue's Gallery. Some dude with an island. Moon rockets. Some robots and shit.

3. In the film, Branagh is frikkin' hilarious. I guess everyone's good for something.

2. Are there only English wizards? Is there an American magic school where they do special cowboy magic or something?

1. I read "Chamber of Secrets" and I think "Vagina."

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Top 10 Initial Reactions After Reading 170 Pages of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

10. At this point, I have asked my girlfriend twice the correct pronunciation of "Hermione." She has answered me both times. And I have almost immediately forgotten the answer. Both times.

So, from now on, I am simply referring to her as --



Or, perhaps, Annoying Bossy Bitch.

9. Hagrid the giant finds Harry with his adoptive parents - The Dursleys. The Dursleys don't like Hagrid or anything that reminds them of Harry's magical origins. During their meeting, Mr. Dursley insults Dumbledore (the headmaster of Hogwart's to whom Hagrid is very loyal), which angers Hagrid to no end. In retaliation, Hagrid uses his magic to sprout a pig tail out of the ass of Mr. Dursley's biological son, Dudley.

With this, Hagrid teaches Harry Potter one of the first rules of the aspiring Columbian druglord: when someone fucks with you, don't maim THEM. Maim their children.

8. "Muggles." That's awesome. J.K. Rowling came up with a racial slur for people who are born with inferior abilities. I sure hope that kinda stuff catches on in central Europe.

7. A conversation between me and my girlfriend (who has read all the books and convinced me to try out this first one):

MARYANN: How far did you get? Is he in the school yet?

ME: Yep.

MARYANN: Did you get to the Sorting Hat part yet?

ME: Yep. Harry and Ron are both in Tribe Survivor. They're forming an alliance to kick Neville off the island. He's a fucker.

6. Names are important. If Lucas hadn't chosen to create a villain whose name - Dooku - sounds like what toddlers call their shit, Attack of the Clones would only have been a complete waste of time and not a complete fucking waste of time.

Likewise, here we have characters with names like Dumbledore and Voldemort. My understanding is the books gradually mature in tone and content. And it is difficult for me to imagine taking seriously a dark, mature story featuring characters with names that make them sound like lawn gnomes.

5. Quidditch? Why is it even fictional English sports sound like synonyms for either knitting or pastry?

4. "Oh I can't say the name of You-Know-Who!"
"Oh, they teamed up with You-Know-Who!"
"You don't mean You-Know-Who?"
"I heard he worked for You-Know-Who!"
"They say it has something to do with You-Know-Who!"

VOLDEMORT!
VOLDEMORT!
VOLDEMORT!
VOLDEMORT!
VOLDEMORT!
MACBETH!
VOLDEMORT!
VOLDEMORT!
VOLDEMORT!
VOLDEMORT!
VOLDEMORT!


3. Wait for it...wait for it...

...

...

Hulkcouldtotallykickharry'sass

2. So apparently in the films first they had Richard Harris playing Dumbledore. Then he died, so they got Michael Gambon.

And strangely, when I read the book, all I can think of is Ian McKellen.

1. So far the verdict is...I don't think it sucks. The first couple of chapters were tedious. The whole "oh look at the magical boy being smothered by the normal, boring people" bullshit had me yawning, but once it got going, it got going. I don't know if I'll be dying to read one book after the other, but so far it isn't a bad read.