Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Top 10 Super Powers I Want

10. Flight - Gas prices suck. This would help.

9. Kinetic Absorption - Not a real popular power in the comics as far as how much it gets used, but pretty frikkin' cool regardless. The only guy I can think of off the top of my head who has it is the Black King in the Hellfire Club (X-men bad guys). Basically, the more you get punched, the stronger you get. The obvious downside, I guess, is if you feel like being super strong but there's no one around to punch you a lot, you'll have to hire someone to do it, or just jump off a lot of buildings.

8. Shooting Lightning - I AM ZEUS, SHITKNUCKLE! FEEL MY WRATH!

7. Eye Blasts - A very underrated power. Think about it. What do you aim with? Your eyes. So if you shoot beams out of your eyes, how could you ever miss?

6. X-Ray Vision - Yes, for the reason you're thinking of. What am I, a fucking monk?

5. Telekinesis - Just to fuck with people. Just little things. Make them spill their coffee or drop a big stack of papers or nudge them off a subway platform. Nothing big.

4. Time Travel - Just so I can steal people's ideas. Like, when I was in San Diego there was a band with the greatest name - "Run For Your Fucking Life." I want a band with that name, dammit.

3. Invisibility - Yes, for the reason you're thinking of. What am I, a fucking monk?

2. Precognition - I just want to know when people around me are going to die. That way I can borrow their stuff.

1. Translation - There was a guy named Cypher in the New Mutants (teenage X-men, basically) who could speak or understand any language. Cool power to have in real life, kind of useless in a super hero comic. They killed him off. Best thing for him. Anyway, yeah, it would be a cool power to have. I'd want to hang around lots of non-English speakers and see if they're saying bad shit about me. Then fry their asses with my eye lightning.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Strong Guy has Kinetic Absorption and he's pretty awesome.