10. Retards make me feel smart.
9. I hate using q-tips on my ears. Colin renders such awkward tools unnecessary. Every time he uses that stupid, high-pitched voice he stole from South Park, my ears bleed like Ol' fuckin' Faithful, clearing them out of wax in the process.
8. Racists make me feel righteous.
7. There's nothing more annoying than a cranky 14-year-old intern, and Colin always keeps them in good spirits by having sex with every single one of them.
6. Without his emblemed shirts, I'll have no idea what preppy company that utilizes illegal child labor I should be sending all my money to this week.
5. Drunks make me feel disciplined.
4. Without him, my co-worker Dave will be fucking up constantly, and I'll be too busy laughing to do my job properly.
3. People who read muscle magazines make me feel literate.
2. Glen Danzig.
1. I could totally kick his ass.
5 comments:
Awwe, so sweet. I will miss him too.
Hello - I'm a friend of Colin's and he had me read your list. It was so damn funny!!! It's good to know he's an ass in all aspects of his life, and he doesn't just save it for me.
Anyway - Great work and witty - love you already!
...Brigette
Oh yeah - forgot to say - don't worry about missing him. He's like a bad penny. I've known him for 9 years and no matter what - still here, always turns up - doesn't really go anywhere. There will be times you'll be begging him to go away!
- Brigette
"There will be times you'll be begging him to go away!"
I don't think I have a problem imagining that.
(love ya Collin!)
Love you too Col!!!!
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