Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Top 10 Reasons Why My Existence Is So Absurd Someone Should Probably Shoot Me

10. I'm a camera man working for a radio station. Again, I'm a camera man working for a radio station.

9. I own multiple white longboxes thick with comic books. I have a bookshelf bursting with graphic novels - mostly about superheroes or other stories involving the supernatural. I spend more time than I'm willing to admit on an online game in which I pretend to be a dwarf who kills monsters. My favorite films are those in which diminutive heroes walk across non-existent landscapes in order to destroy evil jewelry, in which super-powered freaks straddle cityscapes and fight evil, and in which flying kung-fu masters kick each other's asses with expert choreography. My favorite tv shows are those that invole alien abduction, vampire slaying, and murderers possessed by demons. Regardless I don't believe in God, ghosts, psychic powers, aliens, Big Foot, the Loch Ness Monster, the predictions of Nostradamus, or Captain Crunch and I ruthlessly insult those who do.

8. I don't even know if I have a doorbell.

7. I generally only realize 5 years after the fact that I knew a chick who totally wanted to sleep with me.

6. In spite of the fact that the name with which most people refer me - Mick - is an Irish racial slur, and that my full name is Michileen Connor Martin, I feel as Irish as a taco. Oh, and I usually prefer English beer. Sorry...uh...countrymen. Or whatever.

5. I'm a CAMERA MAN working at a RADIO STATION.

4. I won't eat poultry or seafood. And I avoid most meat. Somehow, I still have this lovely I-eat-Hell's-Angels-every-morning physique.

3. I want to be a professional writer. I haven't written anything in months.

2. Glen Danzig.

1. When I was born, my mother was heavily sedated. When she saw me for the first time, held upside-down by the doctor, my mother yelled, "Oh my God! It's a fish!" I haven't been the same since then.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Top 10 reasons why Mick should exist.

10) Someone's gotta fill the weekend overnight shift. And Make fun of Zack. Mick does both.

9) I feel safe when we hang out, because nobody is gunna pick a fight with Mighty Mick.

8) Buffy rocks. Mick introduced me to Buffy.

7) Listsmash makes me grin. Maybe not LOL. But grin. And that's more than 99% of the webpages out there.

6) Despite having a crazy family, Mick is pretty grounded & well adjusted in his life. And that is more than 99% of the people I know.

5) Glenn Danzing says Mick is good with kids & animals. And I agree.

4) Mick is a redicuoously talented writer. And one time he did a paper on me. And he got it 100% right!

3) Mick likes Nirvana. I like Nirvana. Everyone wins. Except for Kurt Cobain. Cuz he's dead.

2) I'm drunkyness.

1) I've seen pictures of Mick from yester year. And I mean this in a very plutonic way so don't get any ideas- Mick is a hotty when he wants to be. And he's a very loyal boyfriend. And those are 2 things that make him a good catch. You hear me, ladies?

Mick Martin said...

aww shucks....thanks...


And HEY! What do you mean it doesn't make you LOL!?!?!