Friday, June 12, 2009

Top 10 Reasons Why List SMASH! Was Gone For So Long

10. Sorry, but saving the World of Warcraft from the wrath of Arthas, the treacherous Lich King, takes time. Didn't see any of you guys pwning for your country.

9. I have been busy trying to find new and funnier reasons to link this video across the Internet. It's so simple, yet so stinging!

8. Daddy had to go figure some things out. Mommy found Daddy doing funny things with Mommy’s brother. So Mommy had some nice men with soap-stuffed socks visit him at night and take him away to a re-education camp in Alabama. That’s where Daddy has been all these months! The nice men reminded Daddy, using shock therapy and Doberman pinchers, that the only way for Daddy to make little boys and girls is to do his funny things with Mommy. So now Daddy’s back, and as long as Mommy doesn’t talk too much and as long as Daddy can close his eyes as tight as he can, Daddy’s gonna make you a new baby brother!

7. Mo’ Money means Mo’ Problems.

6. Forgot to give a shit.

5. I hibernate during Winter. And Spring. And Wednesdays. And dates with less than 3 digits.

4. Glen Danzig's lawyers found the site.

3. I have been updating on a regular basis, but on a frequency that can only be detected by Superman, dogs, and yeti. "Top 10 Reasons Why Lex Luthor Has Such A Tiny HEY LOOK A RUBBER BALL!!!!!!" was a huge hit.

2. Making fun of George Lucas has consequences you just can't foresee. Every other night I found a disembodied muppet head in my bed. And once, a copy of The Phantom Menace

1. Porn.

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