Top 10 Reasons Why Superheroes Are Better Than Jedi

10. Superheroes have cool origins. They fall in vats of radioactive waste. They get bitten by freaky animals. They get caught in explosions. They come to Earth from far away planets. Jedi all have the same origin. They got abducted by freaks in bathrobes because their blood was funny.

9. Superheroes have throngs of supervillains dedicated to their destruction. Every individual superhero of any significant renown has his/her own rogues gallery. Meanwhile, the entire jedi population got taken out by two Sith. That's pretty fuckin' weak.

8. Superheroes get to make up cool new names. Jedi have to stick with their stupid spaceman names.

7. George Lucas has never directed a superhero movie.

6. Jedi aren't allowed to fuck. Superheroes, on the other hand, get to screw someone once but then the Joker or Doctor Doom or someone else kidnaps whoever they got to bump uglies with, and then they decide they can't screw them anymore because it will put their stupid lives in danger. BUT, at least they got to get off. Jedi just have to be abstinent and deal with it. And people wonder why they go to the dark side.

5. Superman is easily the most well-known superhero. Luke Skywalker is easily the most well-known jedi. One of these men has NOT had his sister's tongue in his mouth. Guess which one?

4. I can't deny it. There have been a LOT of bad superhero movies, as well as a lot of good ones. And there are sure to be more really, really bad superhero movies to come, as well as some really, really good ones. But you and I both know there will never be another Star Wars film that is anything but a big pile of Dooku.

3. So, after the first Star Wars films came and went, what did Mark Hamill - the guy who played Luke Skywalker, the biggest, baddest jedi - do with himself? He did voices for cartoons. Specifically, he did the voice of the Joker on Batman: The Animated Series and the voice of the Hobgoblin on Spider-Man. Think about that. He was Skywalker! And when he tried to make a home in the world of superheroes, they only let him do bad guys. The Big Daddy of the Jedi didn't even rate high enough to do Robin's voice. Scoop that up and eat it, Star Wars dickheads.

2. Hulk is not a jedi.

1. Anyone can be a superhero. Even people who don't have powers. Iron Man, Batman, Captain America, Green Arrow - none of them even have powers. On the other hand, you can't just will yourself to be a jedi. Whether or not you can join the ranks of these sexless monks is determined by how much of a certain bacteria you have in your blood. Conclusion? Superheroes are inclusive. Jedi are religious fanatics who believe in leadership based on random hereditary markers and Divine Right. Fuck Jedi. Jedi suck.