Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Top 10 Issues I Have With The Philosophers Of Popular Music

10. If you sing about someone's vanity, then yes, that song is actually about them. What's confusing us here?

9. What does it matter if, when you drink alone, you prefer to drink by yourself? What are you telling us here? How can you drink alone without being by yourself? Are you trying to tell us that you're always alone? Are you trying to make a kind of lonely alcoholic empowering statement, like, you're alone because you prefer to be, or are you just drunk?

8. Tidal waves don't spin over your head. Whirlpools spin. Dumb ass.

7. No, John, sorry. You really do need more than love.

6. You know, most cities have green grass and pretty girls. Like, even crappy cities. Like Utica.

5. I don't know what your problem is with Scrubs but it's an awesome show. I totally lawl. Go set some more bathtubs on fire, retard.

4. I don't understand why a song whose basic message is "you're not always able to fuck who you want to fuck, but there should be someone around drunk enough," requires a boys choir in the background. If it were a Michael Jackson song then, sure, I'd get it. But it wasn't.

3. "Pink, it's my favorite crayon"? Dude. If you've been in the same band for over thirty years and you start borrowing the lyrical styles of Adam Sandler, it's time to give up. Live off your daughter's elf money. It's okay. Silverstone will be able to find work without you.

2. "Hey There Delilah" is stupid. I'd find a more clever way to say that, but I have to get ready for work.

1. This.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Rick Ashley. Stalker. I can't stop laughing.

zoei said...

You BASTARD! I blame the hour for not being ready for that one...

But just for that, here's one for you:
"This is the song that never ends! It just goes on and on my friends! Somebody started singing it not knowing what it was, and now we all are singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends!"

HA! Take that, you futhermucker!