10. Lava.
9. Find out the address of the local chapter of the CSA - Cannibal Skinners of America. Give your boss the address, but don't tell him what it is. Just tell him there are a lot of people there who like it when you talk about yourself. For hours. Especially if you mainly talk about high school. Even though you're, like, 50.
8. Get a nice, secure hold right under the skin on his forehead, and then roll him down a hill. It'll be like peeling an apple. Except with blood. And a hill.
7. Get some secure restraints, duct tape, a private space, and a dull spoon. Make a weekend of it.
6. While he's asleep, sneak into his bedroom and whisper "Everyone knows you're not 25" in his ear. He'll jump out of his own skin and run screaming.
5. Skin him while he's asleep. If you can't get him to stay asleep or go to sleep, use a simple trap. Put a picture of naked, genetically enhanced tits inside a book. Any book. After looking at the tits for 3 hours, he will get curious about the book, read a few sentences, and fall into a deep coma from the strain. You can set off a nuke next to his head and he'll keep snoring.
4. Do #5, but set the book down in the middle of his lawn. Then, get the mower.
3. Really hot coffee.
2. Bear.
1. Ninja.
2 comments:
You know how when you go to the onion the headlines are funny as hell and you don't even need to read the article? The same can be said for this blog post. I haven't even read the list, but the title is freaking hysterical.
Ok, I just finished reading the list, and it did not disappoint. A+
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