Mick's Top 10 Pieces Of Advice For Obama During His Visit To Russia

10. Propose an Iron Man/Crimson Dynamo team up. The Russkies never get any panel time. They'll love that shit.



9. Give them a link to this list.

8. Digitally alter the film White Nights. Have Gregory Hines say any or all of the following lines to Mikhail Baryshnikov:



"I wish I understood your incredibly elegant-yet-manly form of dance."

"I defected to America because Russian women are so beautiful and your weather is so temperate."

"I can tell you're Russian because your penis is so much more impressive than mine, or any American's."

7. Polish jokes. Memorize them.

6. During diplomatically awkward moments, use any or all of the following phrases.

"What? Oh no, I beg my wife not to shave!"

"You have a Georgia? We have a Georgia! Whoa!"

"Hey, know who I hate? Nazis!"

5. Don't ask them where to find Santa's workshop. They find that very demeaning. And most of them forgot where he lives anyway.

4. Challenge Putin to Street Fighter. Make sure to win. But play as Zangief.



3. Don't apologize for Rocky IV. We've paid for our importation of Brigitte Nielsen, and they know it. In fact, you should probably see if you can get them to apologize for Drago killing Gregory Hines (they won't know the difference).



2. If you unintentionally offend your Russian hosts, as soon as you realize your mistake, yell "GODDAMNED GYPSIES!" and spit on the ground.

1. Bring, like, 120 pairs of jeans and just pass them around.