Top 10 Reasons Why Coldplay Makes Me Feel Like A Girl (List SMASH!'s 150th list)

(A friend and regular reader of List SMASH! mentioned that she wished there was some kind of function on my posts to rate how funny she thought each post was - kind of like clicking the stars on Netflix. So I checked and indeed Blogger offers something like that. You will notice that now on the bottom of each list there are three choices - ROFLMAO, LOL, and /yawn. I wanted to add more options but it only allows for three. So, if you feel like letting me know what you think without posting, feel free.)


10. I have no idea what their name means. If I don't know why a band's name is stupid, I can't make fun of it. Once I found out Soul Coughing named themselves after a line in a Neil Young poem, I lost some respect for them. Once I found out what "Pearl Jam" meant. Well. Ew.

9. "Green Eyes" turns me into a lovesick, blubbery, freshly pubertized girl. Even though I can't think of anyone I ever knew with green eyes.

Though I do suspect I know who the character singing the song is supposed to be.



8. Their music simultaneously revels in the wonder of life while evoking the pain and loss inherent in the human condition.

7. I listen to "Everything's Not Lost" more than just about any other song. It's beautiful, sad, and it sets relatively low and attainable standards.

6. At least two songs with titles culled from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Do they know the way to my heart or what? If they mailed me Diet Pepsi and Mac & Cheese, I'd totally let them all do me.

5. I didn't think anyone remembered when I conquered the globe with my robots and was unceremoniously dethroned by those short-sighted FOOLS in the Justice League of America who used time traveling technology to not only wrestle control of the Earth from my grasp, but to make it so that, essentially, my reign never occurred. But then I heard "Viva la Vida" and I knew someone remembered.

4. Chris Martin and me would totally hang out and I could break the ice by mentioning how our last names are the same and I'd make some kind of "Oh look we could be brothers" joke and we'd both totally laugh and we'd hang out and do stuff like, all day, and then he'd be all like "Mick I am deep, but I think you are deep as well, we should hang out more and you can come on tour with us and even sing a song on stage if you want and maybe you should write songs for us and if I die in battle you can take over the band for me," and I'd be all like, "Cool."

3. Yeah, I saw The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I know the line. And they can SHUT UP AND DIE! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

2. Because I know I'm losing. Doesn't mean I've lost.

1. Because I know I'm hairy. Doesn't mean I'm hair.



(P.S. This is my 150th list. I know I promised some epic list for today, but I thought about the prospect of doing a top 150 list and then laughed a lot.)