Top 10 Things I Love About Our New Kitty Gimli

10. He's brave. Lily, one of our older cats, didn't like when Gimli tried to cuddle with his Mommy while she was trying to cuddle with Mommy. She smacked him. Hard. Gave him a meaty, loud THWACK right on the noggin. He just backed up a step, walked right back, sat down, and looked at Lily as if to say "You hit like a girl."

9. He's an outlaw. Look at this picture.



Okay now look at this picture.



Do you see how fucking little he is? That is NOT legal. He is far too little. In fact, I think he's faking his enormous level of little just to appear cuter which, in turn, mires him in more legal difficulties. He is too cute and too little. Because he hates THE MAN.

8. He's named "Gimli"! How fuckin' cool is that?

7. I never have to clean my beard again.



6. He'll never know how close he was to being named "Firelord."



No. Seriously.

5. So far, I'm very clearly his favorite bed.

4. He helped save Middle Earth. And that thing about him suggesting Moria was a total fucking lie perpetrated by THE MAN. He suggested they go under the bureau, then under the bed, then under the bureau, then under the bed, then maybe sneak out for the hall...oh shit back under the bed...

3. If I'm at the computer and he wants to be picked up, he cries for me. Usually, I pick him up. But sometimes I can't, like in the morning when I do my writing exercise where I'm supposed to write three pages without stopping. When I can't pick him up, he stops crying after a while, and when I'm finally done with whatever I'm doing, I look down and see him curled up in a ball at my feet. And it breaks my heart every time.

2. He's made the other cats jealous, which in turns helps us manipulate the other cats. I'm pretty sure both of the cats are getting me Best Buy gift cards for my birthday. Pretty effin' sweet.

1. He helped me beat up Iron Man.



Drunk fuck. (Iron Man, not the kitty)