Top 10 Similarities Between Zombies and God

10. Zombies are always eating, in spite of the fact that one of their defining characteristics is that they're dead. God, it is said, also works in mysterious ways.

9. When God comes back He's going to destroy the world. So will zombies.

8. If you're some kind of voodoo priest or something, zombies are easy to control. You wouldn't think God would be easy to control, but considering that He changes what He wants from us based on the political hot topics of the time, I'd say it's debatable.

7. Zombies are creepy. So was George Burns.



6. Zombies eat people. God doesn't. But according to the Catholics, He wants YOU to eat His son. Every Sunday.

5. Zombies eat brains. God does not eat brains. However, He did expel Adam and Eve from Paradise for eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. So, as a general rule of thumb, letting either zombies or God know that you have a brain is a bad idea.

4. You can't kill God. You can't kill zombies either. They're already dead. You can stop them, but you can't technically kill them. And you can only stop them by taking off their heads. Same as with Highlander, but that's another list.

3. If you fuck in ways not pre-approved by your clergyman and/or local law enforcement, God will blow up your town. In the meantime, if God doesn't blow up your town, regardless of how you or your townspeople fuck, zombies are going to kill everyone in your town. Either way, your town is fucked. You should really consider moving.

2. There are movies about zombies. There are movies about God. The main difference is that Christians don't picket movies about zombies.

1. God is everywhere. Zombies are not everywhere. Until they are. Then you're fucked.