10. See the look on the face of my co-worker when he finds out we're televising a slide with his picture asking our listeners to call him up and wish him a Happy Labor Day.
9. Write.
8. Read.
7. Stumble upon some kind of horrible accident in which the surviving beautiful women need immediate medical attention - the medical attention in question involving allowing them to perform fellatio while using ice cubes.
6. See Dick Cheney walking down the street, flip him the bird and say, "Hey Cheney! Up your mother!"
5. Fight evil.
4. Foil the robbery of a truck delivering Diet Pepsi and be rewarded with a lifetime supply of Diet Pepsi. Also, enjoy fellatio with ice cubes from the beautiful yet lonely female truck driver.
3. Sleep.
2. Leap tall buildings in a single bound and, more importantly, survive the landing.
1. After getting a healthy nap, waking myself up with my bottomless keg of Diet Pepsi, writing an award-winning short story while simultaneously reading 3 other novels, unleash my samurai skills on an evil tyrant who has kidnapped a beautiful princess atop a tall building - which necessitates my leaping the tall building in a relatively small number of bounds - kill the bastard, ready myself to accept the rewarding love of the princess who turns out to be a demon in disguise, kill her stupid ass, but then find the REAL princess and her young but legal sister, older and experienced mother, and all her drunk friends with bad eyesight and low standards, and then the fellatio with ice cubes. Afterwards, we celebrate the afterglow of love by finding Dick Cheney and simultaneously flipping him the bird and yelling "Hey Cheney! Up your mother!"
2 comments:
God knows why, but at some point yesterday, the WAMC-TV channel ended up on our screen. Kim caught the picture you mentioned in #10 and said, "Awww... it's Hopper! We should call him!"
Also, Coke Zero > Diet Pepsi.
First of all, in regards to the soda debate, you are a heretical fool.
The ironic thing about the slide is that someone did call Hopper about one of the slides, but not the one with his picture.
I was getting tired of making slides that just said "Happy Labor Day!" so I decided to throw a few semi-humorous things up there. In particular, for one slide I had a picture of a guy painting or cutting wood or some damn thing, and next to it I wrote something like "You workaholic! The rest of us are at home laughing at you!"
And apparently an old woman called to say the slide was disgraceful to our troops in the field.
Yeah.
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