Top 10 Reasons Why Death Sucks

10. No more sex.

9. Hitler is dead. Who wants to be like Hitler?

(vegetarians)

8. It's the most relaxed you'll ever be. And you can't enjoy it, because you're fucking dead.

7. No more Diet Pepsi.

6. You won't find out whether or not (insert name of guy/girl you have a crush on) on (insert name of your favorite reality show) will beat that annoying fuck (insert name of the guy/girl on the reality show who is a bitch/asshole).

5. Risk of going all zombie. Zombies suck. (I proved it)

4. This is when everyone starts saying bad shit about you. And you're not there to prove you were out of town the week the zoo monkeys were violated. And you don't bend that way anyway. And they were askin' for it, they were FUCK. ING! asking for it! Are you the only one who noticed they never wore any clothes? JESUS!

3. If the Christians are right, Cat Stevens is totally fucked. And that's not cool. Who doesn't like Cat Stevens?

(Dog Jones, the jealous fuck)

2. No comic books.

1. You become B.A. Baracus.

B.A. Baracus was Mr. T's character on The A-Team. B.A. was afraid of no man. Even if you were a man with a huge automatic weapon, all the bullets would magically spin around him, and he would pick you up and throw you. Even though he would throw you in slow-motion, you'd be down for the count. And then Murdock and Face would take out the rest of the guys with the tank they made out of a shopping cart and a pencil sharpener.

But B.A. was afraid of one thing - flying. And The A-Team found themselves needing to fly quite a bit. So the other guys on the team would need to figure out some way to trick B.A. into ingesting an incapacitating drug at least every other episode, which was tough because, you know, B.A. was ready for it. They drugged him a lot. He had guys drugging him so much, he may as well have been in a sorority.

So, that's you. When you die. You're B.A. Baracus. You don't know where you're going, and in fact you probably don't even know you're going on a trip. You're just sitting there, smiling in spite of your usual stoic presence, because your buddy Face just bought you a milkshake. Your favorite flavor, too. Wow, Face is nicer than usual, maybe you should stop calling him a FOO'. And man that milkshake tastes great! Better than usual. In fact the world just. You know. Feels. Nicer. Than. Thud.