10. "In a few months you're going to get kicked out of your house. Considering the current economic crisis, do you find irony in this or--Jesus, stop eating those crayons and pay attention."
9. "You did everything you could to make things so utterly bad and scary that you shocked America into finally considering supporting both an African American and a woman fit for the job you so royally assfucked. Thanks."
8. "Are you going to open a presidential library, or do you just not want to give us the satisfaction of that many more jokes?"
7. "I have often wondered if there is a Christian God - assuming He really is all about the whole post-life placement thing - where that leaves people like you. Not taking into account your religious beliefs or anything, just, you know. Like, if a leader does things for what he perceives to be the good of his country, but those things he does are - he knows - the kinds of things that should cause the forfeiture of his soul, then doesn't that mean he's knowingly sacrificing his soul for his country? And if he is, shouldn't that be considered in the post-life deliberations when it comes to the question of his placement? I mean, he's sacrificing his soul, which is way more costly than sacrificing even his life. But if it is considered, then doesn't that, like, totally deflate any kind positive things about the soul-sacrifice? Since, you know, if he sacrifices his soul for something good, but then doesn't lose his soul because he sacrificed it for something good, then he didn't sacrifice his soul. Which means he did. I'm not trying to be confusing. But I work at a news radio station. So I know you've probably thought about this a hell of a lot more than I have."
6. "Please leave the Fantastic Four alone, Victor. Seriously. No, seriously, or they'll keep making more movies."
5. "Rock, paper, scissors. Best 2 out of 3. I win, you let gay people marry each other. You win, I'll do your homework for a year."
4. "Dude, seriously. I think your wife is kinda hot."
3. "So, you're from Texas, you were even the Governor, but you're the President, right? The head of Federal Executive branch. So who do you think was right in the Civil War? Wait...no, Iron Man doesn't count I'm not talking about, NO the real one, pay attention. PUT THE FUCKING CRAYONS DOWN!"
2. "As much as I hate everything you are and everything you've done, part of me wants to love and forgive you. Isn't that funny?"
1. "I'm Batman."
5 comments:
And all along you've been saying you're the Hulk. For shame!
Hey, hey, hey now. Let's not put words in my mouth. I never said *I* was the Hulk. I have simply continued to stress the fact that the Hulk is better than everyone else and that, unfortunately, I'm one of the only people who acknowledge this.
I would never imply that I was the Hulk, Mister or Miss Anonymous, if that is your real name.
Oh yeah, AND I might add that even if I had said I was the Hulk - which I never did - this list wouldn't negate that claim. The list doesn't claim I am Batman. The list claims I want to tell GW I'm Batman. Which I do. Cuz it would be funny.
So nyah.
I love to get you riled up. It is too much fun.
I would sit him down, make him listen to some Journey and just nod while looking at him meaningfully. I'm not a big fan of theirs, don't even know what I'd play, but damned if it wouldn't be fun to watch his expressions :D
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