10. If you take a look at history, and look at the instances in which two civilizations - with a wide disparity in their technological advancement - came into contact, you find the same thing tends to happen. Pretty soon you have one civilization, and a bunch of roadside stands offering ethnic blankets.
9. Here we are without warp-speed technology. We've got our cute little mp3 players and quaint i-phones, and we're already bitching about overpopulation. Imagine if our civilization had gotten to the point where we could travel across galaxies. Our species' girth would make our current population look like the membership list for "Gpysies For Hitler!" And there aren't many places out there where we can put our feet up. So as much as upstate NY looks like shit to me, I bet Luke Skywalker and Alf are going to think it's a lush paradise.
8. Look at Jeffrey Dahmer. Even we think we're yummy. What do you think aliens are going to think?
7. Turn the situation around. Imagine our military finds intelligent life on another planet. And it's a species far less technologically advanced than us. With our own home in environmental peril, with the discovery of a new world that is both accessible to us and can sustain life, and with a healthy supply of ammunition, how long before phrases reminiscent of "Manifest destiny" and "internment camps" are resurrected in the national dialogue? Hmmm?
6. Dude. They might take our chicks.
5. Superman can't do everything for us. It isn't like he's the Hulk.
4. Ever see Mars Attacks!? Even Tim Burton thinks aliens are bastards. And that dude thinks zombies and homicidal clowns are cute.
3. Gene Roddenberry was wrong. He saw a united world of equality, free from greed or the very need for money. Heh. Yeah, whatever. Conclusion? Aliens are evil.
2. It is completely possible that aliens' research will eventually lead them to discover that people who live in cities have as many assholes to probe as those who live in West Bumblefuck.
1. Even if there are no aliens, even if we're the only intelligent life in all creation - in fact, especially if that's the case - I think it would still be a good idea to get the world's military geared up to take on the Kling-Ons. Why? Because then we'll still have all the missiles and cannons and guns, and they'll all be pointing somewhere where there aren't any people.
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