Top 10 Reasons Why I'm Going To Have One More Cigarette And Then I'm Going To Quit

10. I'm really tired.

9. Oxygen! Not just for the rich anymore.

8. Ever since my break-up with the ex-girlfriend, I've been forced to live with my parents. Hopefully I'll be able to move out soon. In the meantime, in order to smoke while I'm at home, I have to go out to the garage. If I don't smoke, I hardly ever have to leave my room except to go to work, which means less contact with my parents.

7. Money! Not just for the rich anymo-well. Not completely anyway.

6. It will boost my chances for that Vampire Slayer job.

5. Less need to take breaks while writing, reading, playing World of Warcraft, or downloading porn.

4. My job is not located in the best of areas. I really don't worry about getting hurt. I worry more about being annoyed while I'm taking a smoke break by a drunk, a prostitute, or a college student so much that I won't be able to finish my cigarette. If I don't smoke, less contact with drunks and prostitutes. Less annoyance. More time to write, read, play World of Warcraft, download porn, and think of ways to avoid my parents.

3. If I want to get a new job, maybe somewhere with a minimum amount of drunks and prostitutes and my parents, the fact that I won't need to step out every hour for 10 minutes will probably render me a more desirable worker-monkey.

2. I want to have lots of sex. Cigarettes lead to less oxygen and slower blood flow. These lead to less sex. Many women won't date men who smoke. This leads to less sex. I want to have lots of sex.

1. I simply want to reiterate Reason #2.

(P.S. Oh for Christ's sake I'm quitting smoking, Jesus, Allah, Buddah, Zeus, Satan, Hulk, HELP ME!)

(P.P.S. Friends, please link this blog entry, and send it to me if you ever find out I'm smoking again. Or just copy and paste #2 in an e-mail and send it to me)

(P.P.P.S. For anyone who answered "Yes," "Yeah," or "Yep" to my current poll question, offering me sexual favors in return for achieving quitting-smoking goals would TOTALLY help. You don't have to, of course, no pressure, but, you know, if you really cared...)

(P.P.P.P.S. I printed out this entry and highlighted Reasons 1 and 2. I intend to keep it in my back pocket at all times.)