Monday, May 26, 2008

Top 10 Women I Want To Have Sex With Even Though I Don't Know Their Names

10. Lost and Law & Order: SVU Chick

Mick, I will destroy you.


You know how you'll see an actor and know in your bones you've seen him/her somewhere before, but you just can't place it, and you keep beating your head trying to figure out who it is because for some reason you think checking IMDB would be cheating and you'd get less Get-Into-Heaven points for doing it?

Well, when this chick showed up on Lost, I was visited by this familiar torture, and at the same time I was sure that whenever I had seen her in whatever show or film I had seen her in, she had made my jeans tight.

Eventually, I gave up and checked IMDB, but at first that didn't help. I couldn't see anything in her entry that I recognized. The only thing was Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, but that didn't help. Who the hell hasn't been on one or more of those shows?

Then I remembered. She was in one of the more memorable episodes of Law & Order: SVU. She played a mother on trial for killing her newborn baby and dumping it in the East River. So, yeah it sort of bothered me that I remembered her with such tumescence, but not too much.

In this picture she's all laughy, but usually she has this quiet, intense look on her face. Like she's either going to jump your bones or conspire your violent downfall. Or both. That's kind of cool.


9. House's Boss

Do your clinic hours in a sexy manner or you're fired!


I don't think House's boss seemed very attractive to me at first, but over time somehow House convinced me she was hot. She kind of seems like the less she likes you as a person, the more she wants to mate with you. I'm going to write a 10 page list of insults and send them to her.


8. Skinny Chick from Kalifornia and ST: TNG

I screwed Mulder.


She was in Kalifornia, she was a morally ambiguous alien on Star Trek: The Next Generation, and got JFK'd in the new Battlestar Galactica.

I think she's hot. That is all.


7. Chick from Angel and Law & Order

I was in Angel. I'm sorry.


She was in Angel. She was in Law & Order. I don't know which one she was in first. She's got eyes and lips that make me go googly in the knees. And her character never had sex with Angel, so she's a-okay in my book.


6. In Plain Sight Chick

Rawwrrr


She's hot and she's got a gun. Plus, according to the commercials, her sister and mother tend sleep with her boyfriends. Three for one!


5. Police Captain from Psych



She's just cute. I like her.


4. Tony Soprano's Russian Mistress

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She's got a sexy accent and nice chestlies. I'd have to get a hypnotist to give her amnesia afterwards or something, though. She's a bit stalker-ish.

Well...actually, what the hell. A stalker would be a nice change.


3. Jenny Calendar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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I totally would've gone to a monster truck rally with her without complaining. This picture is from the episode when Xander accidentally casts a spell on himself that makes every woman in Sunnydale lust after him - the only episode in which I wanted to be Xander.

Angel killed her though. Stupid Angel.

I totally would have killed that bastard in Season 1.


2. Evil Battlestar Galactica chick

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I would SO sell out humanity for some of that. Screw you, Statue of Liberty!


1.Temp Chick - No picture for #1 unfortunately.

Some years ago, I had a temp job at an insurance company. It was only for a week. There was a girl temping with me - very quiet, very shy - and we hit it off. It was tough getting her attention, but it turned out we took the same bus home together, and I got the distinct impression she liked me. I wanted to ask her out, but my plan was to wait until the end of the week, when my temp assignment ended, so there would be no weird "but we work together" stuff.

I came into work on Friday and she wasn't there. She'd called the temp agency and quit. No explanation.

I remembered her telling me the area in which she lived, so I actually spent a couple of afternoons just walking around that area, hoping to run into her, but no joy. And it was a brave act on my part. There was a psychiatric institution nearby, and I was pretty sure if I got too close, the bastards would yank me in with a tractor beam.

Never found her, never saw her again. I had a freaky dream about her a couple of weeks later, but that's for another list.

1 comment:

zoei said...

Along the lines of your #1:

In high school, I tried calling a friend of mine and dialed wrong. A lovely sounding boy answered the phone, and somehow we got to talking (there was more than one conversation, so I must have misdialled a few times). Trouble is, I remember hanging up the last time with him, thinking that the next time we spoke I would ask to meet him. Go figure, I never misdialled my friend's number again, and never could remember the "wrong" number I dialed. I felt too chicken shit to try all the combinations.

Also, a couple of years ago, my friend misdialled me, and ended up with the answering machine belonging to some french guy in Toronto who has the same last name as me. I promptly called him too (she remembered the "wrong" number), and went on at great lengths on his answering machine about how weird it was that we had the same last name, and almost the same phone number, let alone the fact that we were two francos in Toronto. I left my number, but never heard back from him. *shrug* I guess he thought I was insane.