Top 10 Reasons Why Turning 30 Is Way Cool If You're A Chick (by special request for Chelsey)

10. All those creepy guys who only want to date women in their twenties even though they're in their fifties don't bother you anymore.

9. You don't have to deal with being 29 and torturing yourself over the fact that you're turning 30 'cause, like, you're there already. It's like the difference between knowing you're going to puke and the sweet, relieved aftermath of puke.

8. You get to look forward to milfhood.

7. Dating guys in their thirties is way cooler than anything else. Seriously. Especially if he's, like, almost about to turn 34. And he owns a kilt. And has a beard. And everyone who was there when he got drunk at his brother's wedding and destroyed a bunch of patio furniture and hit on every woman there and accidentally exposed himself while in the aforementioned kilt has moved away. And everyone who was there when he got drunk and jumped in his poetry professor's pool fully-clothed and threw as much water on her - while she was fully clothed - as he could, have successfully blocked him from the rest of their lives.

6. From here on in, every time someone cards you (and they will), it'll brighten your whole fucking month.

5. You get to make fun of your friends who are in their forties. They're really fucked in the head right about now. When they start getting tattoos and buying motorcycles, just stay away for a while.

4. You've lived longer than Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, and Jimi Hendrix. And they were like, you know, gods.

3. Your sexual peak is still a decade away, while all the guys' sexual peaks are long past. Bask in your superior flesh.

2. This is the point at which, when you bitch about your day and how tough your life is, people actually believe you.

1. Before you turn 30 you think that once you DO turn 30 all the people you pass on the street who haven't turned 30 are going to think you're some old bastard and want nothing to do with you. The truth is that they would love to have something to do with you - even if it's just to get you to buy beer for them - but you're going to be too busy looking at them and thinking, "Jesus Christ, what a bunch of fucking morons. I was never like that." Bask in your superior flesh.