10. I don't know whether or not I have a doorbell. I called my landlord about it, and he assured me he would find out for me. So far, no word. Either he forgot, just doesn't care, or he both lost my phone number and forgot which doorbell was mine.
9. The ants. I think my bug-hitler traps worked and they're mostly dead now, but still I'm left with the disconcerting memory of reaching for my cereal box and finding a half-dozen ants already enjoying my breakfast.
8. The lights flicker. I have to be careful about having too many electrical thingees on at once, and when the fuse blows I have to go three floors down to the basement to turn it back on, and don't know whether or not I've managed to fix things until I go three floors back up.
7. The stand-up shower. First of all, I don't like stand-up showers. Second of all, the leftover shower curtain is caked on the bottom with dirt. Third, the former tenant apparently had a thing for the ocean as he/she not only painted a sailboat on one of the kitchen drawers, but stuck decals of aquatic animals all over the walls of the stand-up shower. They're easily detached, but only if I don't cut my fingernails for a week or so. If my fingernails are properly short, digging them off the walls hurts, plus I'm lazy, so I've settled with taking one off and hurling it over the dirty curtain every time I take a shower. It's always fun afterwards trying to figure out where it landed.
6. The bathroom mirror. Instead of a mirror, there's a window above my bathroom sink. The mirror is on the wall across from the sink, meaning I need to turn away from the sink whenever I shave. That isn't so bad, except when I have to trim my beard and either have to figure out a way to take the mirror off the wall and balance it on the sink, or just leave it where it is and let all my pube-esque face fur drop on the floor.
5. My kitchen has far too much shelf and cabinet space. There's the usual cabinets and drawers near the sink, and then across the room there's a ton of shelves and cabinets and I don't even know what to do with them. It looks like I either haven't moved in yet or am planning to move out. I'm thinking I might have to go down to the storage space and dig through my boxes just to find stuff to put on the stupid shelves so it looks like I actually live here.
4. The neighborhood is a little iffy. Not too iffy. My street is split from the really bad neighborhood by Central Ave, one of Albany's busier streets. Just a short walk across Central brings a much larger sense of danger. So my half of the street isn't too bad, except when I walk home at 5 am, which I have to do all this week because I have to cover night shift. Goddammit.
3. There's no front entrance. I have to go around the back of the house. I always feel like my neighbors are going to call the cops on me whenever I go home.
2. I have searched everywhere in the place and have yet too find any eager, horny women with bad eyesight and low standards.
1. Still need more posters, dammit.
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