Forgive me, gentle readers. I usually prefer to do without any preamble, but this list desperately needs one.
I was dumped at the end of January by my girlfriend of five years. Let's call her N. Maybe a month ago, I enjoyed a two-week relationship with a woman we'll call K.
K lives on a street we'll call PW. Her address is #41 PW.
Last week N e-mailed me to inform me she was moving and that amidst the mess that always comes with moving, she had found some of my stuff and wanted to hand it over to me.
Eventually, I learned N is moving to the same street as K.
And N is moving into #40 PW.
Of course, this is already something of a painful coincidence, but it threatens to reach the level of providence because of a brief thought that went through my head the day before K dumped me.
The day before K dumped, I had a feeling the break-up was coming, and for a few minutes I jokingly considered that her address was a sign from the Powers That Be that things weren't going to work out. See, there's this great series of goofy sci-fi books called The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy in which it is revealed that the answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42. In fact, if you happen to be a fan of The X-Files, you may not know that the show's creators paid tribute to the series by giving Fox Mulder's apartment the number 42.
In other words, for a few moments I had a chuckle thinking that maybe the Powers That Be, with K's address, were telling me "Meh, close, but not quite there yet."
And now, with my ex-girlfriends lining up in a row that points towards the answer to everything, it occurs to me that I might want to actually consider - and not jokingly - whether or not the Powers That Be are really trying to tell me something here, and the irony of the fact that my break-up with K had something to do with my doubting the existence of any Powers That Be is not at all lost on me.
So, assuming there is something the Fates are trying to tell me here, I'm left with exactly what the Deity -> Mortal translation is. And so...
10. My next girlfriend will break up with me and move into either #39 or #42 PW, at which point her, N, and K will form a witch coven and have cool adventures sponsored by Spelling Entertainment.
9. I need to find out who lives in #42 PW and screw her IMMEDIATELY.
8. I have recently realized that I am spending too much time not doing two things - reading and writing. And the former always tends to lead to the latter. Since I want to write for a living, reading a lot is kind of a prerequisite, and for the time being I am forcing myself to be distracted by nothing but reading and writing. No World of Warcraft, no internet games, no tv, no dvds. Just reading and writing. And maybe after I finish Catch-22 I need to re-read the Hitch Hikers. I don't know. I hope not. Just because I've already read them and have so many books I haven't read yet. Plus I don't think I have them anymore so I'd have to buy new copies.
7. Hmmm. Well there is always this. Maybe I need to find a 42-year-old.
6. Bill Clinton was the 42nd President. Mmm...interns...
5. Washington state was the 42nd American state. Well, I do know a girl in Washington state. She's gay though. Oh, wait. Uh oh.
4. My 42nd post on List SMASH! was Top 10 Things People Tell Me To Do That I Don't Want To Do. Maybe I need to do all those things. Or not do them. Or do half and not do the other half. Or...Christ I hate the Powers That be.
3. Glen Danzig.
2. I need to stay the fuck away from #42 PW.
1. I need to stay the fuck away from PW.
No comments:
Post a Comment