Top 10 Reasons Why Mammals Are Better Than Reptiles

10. We're cuter.

9. We're smarter.

8. We're tastier. Why were the raptors and t-rexes in Jurassic Park hunting the humans down when they had a bunch of bigger, meatier reptiles to kill? 'Cause reptiles taste like crap. It's in the Bible.

7. Mammals go through painful birth processes. Reptiles just, like, lay eggs or something. Wimps.

6. Whenever a film director wants death and danger to resonate in the minds of their audience, they always cut to a shot of some little iguana or something settling on a rock in a desert or swamp, just doing that Gene Simmons thing with its tongue. Why? 'Cause reptiles are filled with sucky death.

5. Reptiles are cold-blooded. Mammals are warm-blooded. Vampires like mammals more. Except in summer.

4. If you're a treacherous bastard, no one calls you a "monkey-in-grass." They call you a "snake-in-the-grass." Snakes are reptiles. 'Cause they suck.

3. Neither Glen Danzig nor any member of The Misfits was a reptile. Not even the new dumb guys who do the "Monster Mash" cover.

2. Whenever people see a large, dangerous mammal in an area in which it doesn't belong, like a bear, they will usually spend lots of time taking pictures and trying to pet or feed it before it kills them. If they see a big-ass snake or alligator or something, though, they call animal control right away. They're dead in either scenario, but at least with the mammal they get a few moments of cutesy.

1. Baby panda sneezin'. Think an iguana with a hiccup could be that cute? I don't fucking think so.