10. The prospect is far too labor intensive. I'm not saying Southerners are lazy. It's just that the Southern male population has at least 3 guys dedicated just as drummers to each Southern Rock band. They just don't have the manpower.
9. Well, in order to rise again, they would have to have risen previously, and according to my history books, they kinda fucked that up.
8. Gas prices. With most areas charging at least $4/gallon, do you have any idea how much it would cost to fuel that many pick-up trucks all the way past the Mason-Dixon Line?
7. Most of the Southerners willing to rebel against the North are busy either organizing Civil War re-enactments or writing Southern Revisionist histories about how the Civil War was actually about States' Rights, rock candy, aliens, highway taxes, censorship, litter laws, fire safety, Glen Danzig, etc., etc.
6. In spite of of the fact that we fought a war just so we would never have to listen to Southerners again, a ridiculously large percentage of recent American Presidents have come from the South. I don't think they'd be willing to give up that irony. Bastards.
5. Have you ever been in a check-out line in the South? They move like old people fuck. If they ever decided to rebel against the North, by the time they got organized, the Chinese would already have taken over North America, ruled for 1,000 years, and been deposed by the Martians.
4. All of the television and movies come from the North. This would leave Southerners to the mercy of reading.
3. Best case scenario for the South - they would win, but they wouldn't be the South anymore. They'd just be them. Then they couldn't annoy the rest of us anymore about Southern Hospitality, Southern Cuisine, or any of that other Southern bullshit.
2. They'd be able to put their Nazi flag back on their state capitals, and thus would no longer have anything left to complain about.
1. So what if they do? Fuck them and the sister they rode in on.
1 comment:
You're just jealous, you kindly yankee, you.
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