10. Ghosts. Exactly what is the motivation here? You die and decide to stay in the same damn spot for the rest of eternity so that...what? So some assholes in t-shirts from the sci-fi channel can claim they have a recording of you whispering "Justine?" Maybe I'm silly, but I think even shallow people would want more out of their afterlives.
9. The Predictions of Nostradamus. Just come on, man. Just come on.
8. Predictions and/or guidance based on astrological signs. Oh gee, what does it say today for my sign? Oh! Today's an important day for me financially? Really? On a work day in a capitalist society? Who'd'a thunk?
7. The Macbeth curse. This one might be a little obscure. People who work in theater often adhere to the superstitious rule that they must never say "Macbeth" in a theater (unless, of course, they're actually performing Macbeth). Supposedly, saying the word can lead to deadly accidents during productions. Instead, theater folk will refer to the tragedy as "The Scottish Play" while at their place of work. I found this out while working at a production of Hello, Dolly! as a stagehand and carpenter. An electrician and another stagehand were talking about working on something called "The Scottish Play." Their references to the play sounded very familiar, and I asked them if they were talking about Macbeth. The response was a loud series of "DUDE!"'s from the assembled stagehands, electricians, and actors, who quickly explained the curse and the seriousness of my crime. This was an outdoor theater, and my brother - the technical director - explained I had to walk to the nearby lake, spin around three times, spit over my shoulder, get on my knees and beg the fates' forgiveness. Instead, I ran through the dressing rooms, grabbing actors and saying things like, "Excuse me, I'd like large fries and a Big Macbeth." No deaths occurred.
6. The Force. If anything conceived in George Lucas's mind ever proves to have any validity, I'll eat my own dick.
5. Government conspiracies. Ever watched C-Span? These fucking people hardly even know where they are half the time. They couldn't organize a fucking square dance, much less a multi-layered, secret conspiracy.
4. The bad luck/evil associated with the number 13. Believe me, I'd KILL to be 13 again. I'm almost 34, I hate that number more than 13.
3. Breast Augmentation. I just choose to believe they're real. Makes my world brighter.
2. The claim that Pink Floyd wrote The Dark Side of the Moon so it would sync perfectly with The Wizard of Oz. I've tried it guys. I've done the experiment. No, they DON'T go together. I know you thought they did, because you were high. If you weren't high, you wouldn't give a fuck about it. You've got no foothold here guys. Move on.
1. Leprechauns. Why would they keep their pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? Then everyone would have a trail leading right to it. That's just stupid.
2 comments:
I agree with most of your list. Especially #5. Bill Maher likes to debunk those 9/11 truthers by saying "How do I know for sure Bush was not behind 9/11? Well, for one thing, it involved planning. And most importantly IT WORKED!"
There's a movie coming out on DVD called Never Say Macbeth. You'd like it becasue it's about a guy who doesn't believe in the curse. You can check out the trailer at www.neversaymacbeth.com
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