Friday, June 6, 2008

Top 10 Reasons Why Samurai Are Better Than Jedi

10. If a samurai is told to guard the princess, he guards the princess. If a jedi is told to guard the princess, he tries to get laid, goes to visit his Mom, slaughters a village, and tries to get laid by telling the princess he slaughtered a village.

9. When a samurai loses a limb, it means something. When a jedi loses a limb, it means he has to visit a robot and borrow a glove from O.J. Simpson.

8. Without samurai, countless works of fiction and art would be lost. Without jedi, three okay movies, three crappy movies, a bunch of action figures, and some really shitty fan-fiction would be lost.

7. If you wanted to wipe out all the samurai, it would take more than a "shoot them while they're not looking" strategy to do the job.

6. Jedi are religious fanatics. Samurai just want to kill you.

5. Revenge of the Sith - Yoda vs. Count Dooku? You'll never laugh while a samurai's kicking your ass.

4. The samurai class wasn't exactly all-inclusive. But at least membership wasn't determined by the amount of bacteria in your blood.

3. Jedi are passive-aggressive. They carry laser-swords that can cut through anything and begin their training in how to kill when they're toddlers, but call themselves "peacemakers." Samurai want to kill you, love to kill you, and will tell you so.

2. When a samurai fucks up, he kills himself. When a jedi fucks up, he replaces all his body parts with toasters, becomes a ghost to haunt all the jedi who didn't fuck up, or falls back on voice-acting for cartoons.

1. George Lucas has nothing to do with samurai.

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