10. Dinosaur Hunter. No one can call you a slacker. You're going to have to work damn hard to take out dinosaurs because there aren't any left, which is why you'll never find one. So you never have to face the danger inherent in hunting dinosaurs. Regardless, people will still be impressed when you tell them you're a Dinosaur Hunter. Especially chicks.
9. Security at Christian Rock concerts. Everyone's well-behaved and on the off-chance that there are a few trouble makers, physical force will rarely be necessary. Just tell them Jesus doesn't want them stage-diving. Of course, you have to hear the music, but I don't see how that's any worse than working a concert for Third Eye Blind or Carly Simon.
8. Jesus. The biggest downside is imminent death, but you get plenty of reboots. Even if you refuse to show up to work for thousands of years, you won't get fired. Your customers will keep busy talking about how they know you'll be back at work soon. And if anyone says different, you get to fuck with them after they die.
7. Batman. You're rich. You get to beat people up. You get to boss around other super-heroes. Your boss doesn't even have your phone number, he has to flash a light in the sky. You can chill for a few weeks and just say you were lost in time or in another dimension. You can justify one-night stands by revealing your identity and telling the chicks that if you let them move in, the Joker will kill them.
6. Professional Uncle. The kids have more fun with you than with their parents, you don't have to give them as much shit as their grandparents do, and you have absolutely no responsibility whatsoever regarding their well-being other than making sure you don't say "fuck" around them too many times.
5. Manager for Menudo. All your clients are dumb-ass kids who think that your 75% cut of all their record sales isn't that big a deal, and you never have to explain why you're firing them.
4. Gene Shallot. You absolutely love EVERY. MOVIE. EVER. MADE. And no one cares that you look like Rip Taylor if Rip Taylor looked more like the clown from IT.
3. Camera man for Survivor. You spend most of your time with hot, sweaty chicks dressed in next to nothing. Of course, no one has a better lunch break than you. You get your foot-long meatball sub, bag of chips, and ice-cold diet soda, and swallow it all down five feet from the contestants with a shit-eating grin, only stopping the nonstop shoveling of food into your mouth to occasionally to give the pathetic, desperate contestants two strong middle fingers.
2. Oil executive. In spite of your negligible profits, you are able to make just enough money to live comfortably while helping the environment and offering an important resource to consumers at ridiculously low prices.
1. American Ambassador to Australia. Tropical environment, good money, you get to say you're an ambassador, and you don't really have to do anything. When have you ever read in the paper, "Tensions mounting between Washington and Sydney"?
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